Reminiscence of Anguish
by corkilue
Summary: Aya remembers Tooya...also the baby in her. What will now happen now that Tooya's dead?


Chapter One: Reminiscence of Anguish

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fan fiction, I just wanted to write a fan fiction like the great guys out there who writes lovely fanfics, so please…don't sue me! I'm only a high school student who wants to write, that's all! ^^,

I'm really tired, Aya Mikage thought while walking towards the lavatory.

She opened the door, took her clothes off and went inside the restroom. The bathroom of this house she was living in was not so big, compared to the bathroom of the Mikages. It was dimly lit, only one lightbulb which is the source of light in the room.

She went inside and turned the shower on. Water falling fast from the shower is dripping on her face.

It's really cold...but at least, I'm soaked in it...

She closed her swelling red eyes. She was crying too much, that she can't even close her bulging eyes without dificulty.

She sat on the bathtub and looked at the marble ceiling, admiring its shades and mixing of colors, then looked at the water on the tub. She put her hands and carried on her hands a small amount of water. The water on her hands is fast dripping away, just like life...

She was calm, up to this very moment, though she wasn't sure what was going to happen next. What was happening with her life? Why was she involved in such things? So many questions linger on her mind right now, though she did not know the answers to all these questions.

She looked back at the ceiling while placing her right hand on her stomach, rubbing it lightly. All she could feel was her skin, nothing at all, no difference.

But there was a difference.

A life is clinging unto her, and it was up to her if she wanted it to live or not. It depends on her choice. 

I don't want to live anymore…now that he's…now that he's…

She couldn't finish what she was trying to think. Every time she wants to forget about that, it seems to come back to her. She remembers every little detail: his touch, his kiss, and the passion they shared; they were united, they were one. All these happy things were erased from her when she remembered that memory, the memory of truth. 

The memory that he was dead. 

He was dead, and it was her fault; it was all her fault that he was…dead. He is now dead, and it kills her slowly. Tears started falling from her eyes, now slowly rolling down the side of her pale cheeks, uniting with the water trickling on her face. 

Why does it have to happen to me? Why not others? 

The memory of his death weakened her, and she suffers more right now, now that there's a life within her. The pain in her started to consume her. If it was physical pain, she might have so many scars that she may die out of bleeding. If it was pain in the head, she would be mad right now, but it wasn't physical or mental. If it was, she would have handled it all by herself. 

But it wasn't.

It was the pain deep inside her heart; a suffering she couldn't manage by herself. It was like being burned alive. It was pure torture for her.  She reached for the wall in agony; she can't take this misery anymore. She needed someone who she could lean to, someone who can subside all her fears and pains, but the sole one who could do that is now gone, and she could do nothing about it.

I must be strong, for me and for this baby. I must do that…especially for him… 

She can't take this feeling anymore. 

The heartache seems to expand in her, starting to eat her slowly. 

Help! Help! 

She cries deep inside. 

What's happening? Why can't I breathe?  

She closed her eyes to comfort herself. After what seemed like hours, or days, she opens her eyes. She observes her surroundings, it was dark, no ray of light is seen anywhere. 

Is this a dream? If this is, then why is it dark? It must be reality. Maybe I'm dead, just waiting for the gates of Heaven to open to me.  

She waited. Nothing seemed to open to her. 

If I'm going up to heaven, I must see patches of light, even just a speckle of light, but I can't see anything. Then I must be going down there. Stupid me, I forgot…I am Ceres, and Ceres is a criminal. Then, I must be going to the fires of Hell. 

Nothing again is seen anywhere. 

No, I still must be going to Heaven. But, how can this be heaven? No, heaven is colorful, at the heart of the clouds hanging in the air. It is full of vibrant colors, and it is full of singing angels. If I could not see heaven or hell…then I still must be…alive…

The truth struck her; she wasn't dead, not even at the brink of dying. She was forcing herself to believe that she was dead because she doesn't want to face reality, to face her problems. It was a world of darkness she made to suppress her loneliness. 

Maybe if I open my eyes, I would see Tooya looking at me. I would see his worried face. He would hug me tightly, and would promise to never leave me again. 

She felt her mouth quiver. She was again forcing herself to believe in the truth that she made, but no, she was deceiving herself. He was dead, no matter how she hid the truth. 

I don't want to open my eyes, for if I do, I know that it will hurt me much more, but I must…for the sake of the baby…

She opened her eyes a bit. 

A twinge of pain caught her body when she forced to open her eyes. She opened her eyes with much difficulty, but she wanted to do it for her baby. 

For Tooya's baby. 

For their baby.

When her eyes finally caught light, she did not see the marble ceiling. It was now pure-white, with a bright fluorescent light in the middle. 

Where am I? 

She looked sideways. A pang of guilt struck her when she saw the person resting his head on the side of her bed. 

It was Tooya.

[a/n] well, that's the end of chapter one...um...do you readers think that it's a good story and i should continue writing this, or maybe i should think of another story coz it's sooo boring and you don't like on how the characters are moving? Please...i really need to know...i'm craving for your reviews...if many would like me to continue, i would say a lot of muchos gracias to all o' ya outhere, but if you don't want me to continue...well, i would honestly be hurt [but at least you didn't lie about your opinion in my fic], but i would see to it that your request may be granted *sniff*...heya...i've got upcoming fics for all fans of slam dunk, recca no honoo, and cardcaptor sakura...well...i'm not really finished but...hey! i need to finish this, kei? Thanks anyway for reading this *.*

corkilue ^^;


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